Sunday, May 13, 2012

Six Months of Motherhood: God Telled My Heart

I've been able to say that I am a mom since July 13th of 2011 when we first saw their precious faces.  Four months later we brought Lucy and Jude home and life has never been the same.  For the past six months my days and heart have been so full.   I have sat down to write numerous less than a handful of blog posts in the past six months.  Each time I begin a draft I delete it or leave it sitting unpublished.  There is so much I'd like to say, but pray about each post and have not felt I should share personal details about my children.  Know that there are ups and downs and our kids are amazing.  They are experiencing and processing so much.  They bring joy to our hearts and home each day, but parenting a hurt child is not easy.  We've been told by some that it seems we've dropped off the face of the earth; I  sometimes feel the same as it often feels that all the support has vanished.  We lay low and grow as a family.  God is the maker and the healer of all things.  He is restoring the broken hearts of our babes each day as we grow as a family.  Redemption in the midst of pain is beauty.  I am thankful that He chose Me to carry out this role.  I am Blessed beyond measure to be a child of God and a mother to the two He has entrusted to me.

As I sit to reflect on all that my eyes have seen and my heart has experienced in the past six months, {my first six months as a mother} my eyes well up with tears.  So many emotions are present on this Mother's Day.   Truthfully, each day is filled with so many emotions.

I have enjoyed celebrating today as it is the first Mother's Day that I had my babies to hold in my arms, though I've held them in my heart for years.  It is a tremendous blessing to have them home.  I celebrate the milestones they've achieved.  I celebrate that they are mine forever.  I celebrate that God made our family, and it is precious.beautiuful.cherished.

Yet, my heart is heavy today.  My heart hurts for the mother who gave life to my babes, who cared for them for the first months and years of their little lives, and for the mommy who loved them first.  My heart aches that I get the blessing of being with our children each day and see them growing, learning, and loving and that I never knew this amazing woman.  I know very little about this incredible person, but she has a huge piece of my heart.  It is a unique experience to share a role with a woman you'll never know; this role is arguable the most treasured one in the world.

My heart also is burdened for all the precious children {nearly 150 million} in the world that don't have someone to call mommy.  Though I hear Mommy! MAMA! mimi! shouted at me 762 times a day and sometimes it starts to get a little old, I must remember that this is a privilege to have this title and that so many children have no one to answer their cries.   Tragedy and injustice occur in the world but what are WE doing about it as privileged people.  You might think this is a push to get everyone to adopt, but it isn't.  In fact, adoption is not the answer.  Adoption changes the life of each child that is placed in a forever family... but it is only a small part of the orphan crisis.

If you are my facebook friend you laugh along with me at the hysterical stuff my precious Lucy says, but today I leave you with this exchange between Lucy and I a few months ago.

Lucy: Mommy I missed you when you weren't with me.
Me:  Sweetheart I missed you so much too when I had to come back to America, I prayed for you and your brother everyday and waited for God to bring our family together again.
Lucy: No mommy, that made me sad...but I'm talking about when I was in Gambella {her birth region}
Me: You didn't know me then baby.
Lucy: God telled my heart and I missed you.