I truly believe that the energy God gave me each day provided the pace at which I needed to get things done. Last week I knew I was nearing the end of my "work projects" and thought I might end up making endless scarf and hat sets for the kids as a we await a notice. ...And then, we were told to be in Ethiopia by November 7th.... because our children are coming home! Hallelujah, and what wonderful timing!
Countless times throughout the wait I would sit in their unfolding room and pray for them. I would walk into each room of the house and try to picture their precious faces in that room in more than just a wooden frame. I would listen for their laughter and imagine scenarios at the dinner table or playing in the playroom. During these THREE long months without them I would sometimes start to think that the time we spent together in Ethiopia was a fairytale and that I wasn't really a mother.
There were times where I started to wonder if I was a horrible mom. Shouldn't I be devastated and in tears everyday without my children in my arms? Why am I not falling to pieces and pleading with God for them to be home? That was Satan, winning in my thoughts. The TRUTH is, each day was an incredible blessing and a gift from God. Every morning when we woke up he gave us the gift of peace in our hearts, our minds, and our home. Most days I chose to unwrap the gift, open it; to live in the present and let joy and abounding peace reign in my heart. (Don't get me wrong, there was pain and we fervently prayed that they could come home soon.) I am human, there were days that no matter how God revealed his Providence in this (what seemed senseless) wait I was discouraged and broken.
Most certainly I wish we could have brought Lucy and Jude home with us on our first trip. There is nothing I'd like more than to have the last three months back and for our children to have begun living in our family. God's plan has purpose. A quarter.of.a.year.has past since we saw them. I'm sure that their little bodies have grown, as well as their hair, and their hearts. We have missed that; just like the first 4 years of Lucy's and 2 years of Jude's life. -Not a Thing in the World can replace what we will never know. We will never have baby pictures of our little ones. We didn't hear their first words, see their first steps, hold them when they cried as babies. As I wipe the tears from my face now I decide to stop the list. There is a countless list of first and precious moments that we have missed. BUT, I am without a doubt, absolutely, 100%, positively sure... that THIS IS PROVIDENCE. I trust in the Lord with all my heart. Throughout these past months I've found this post by Katie Davis to be exactly how I feel as I trust in my God, the creator of this universe the father of my children, and maker of all things.
The following quote is said much better than I could ever put my thoughts into words.
"He did not choose me for those moments, He chose me for these. I entered motherhood through a different door, and I get a different kind of stretch marks." -Katie Davis
It is so true, God is writing this amazing story of love on our hearts and in our home and His Providence says, "It's Time, I entrust you with these little lives." An amazing gift, privilege, and responsibility has been laid upon us to bring these children up. I thank my God every day for Lucy and Jude's lives and look forward to His gospel being lived out in and through our family.