Monday, September 20, 2010
I have been reading Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best. Definitely a great read for anyone considering adopting a toddler. In the first chapter of the book the author, an international adoptive mother of a toddler writes about what she felt her son (an any adopted toddler) might say if they could.
"Please learn as much as you can about me before you decide to be my mom or dad, so you won't be surprised about me. Don't think of me as a helpless infant, even though I may not yet be able to do all the things most kids my age can do. Don't treat me as if I'm older than I really am just because I act as if I don't need you to take care of me, however. When I push you away it is when I need you to hold me and tell me that you will never let me go. I had to learn to do many things for myself before you came into my life, and it's hard for me to learn to depend on you as much as I should. Please recognize and help me with my special needs, but remember that I am still a lot more like other kids than I am different. See me first as your child, not as your adopted child or a child with special needs.
Sometimes I feel sad and really mad. Don't pretend that I don't have these feelings, and don't get discouraged when I take out my strong feelings on you. Most of the time I am not really mad at you, but you're the one who's here now and the one I can safely show my feelings to. I know in my heart that you didn't do anything to hurt me, but I get all mixed up.
My memories of other moms and places where I've lived are all in my mind, but they're stored in pictures, sounds, feelings, and even smells. I don't have the words to talk about these things. I can't figure out why that other mom disappeared, and I'm worried that you might go away, too. I often have to test you because it's hard for me to believe that you won't leave me, too. In fact, it's pretty scary for me to love you and trust you, so I might have to test your love
the most when you start to be important to me.
Sometimes I just want to curl up in a ball and be a little baby again so someone will take care of me. Other times I want to do everything by myself and I feel like running away from you. Please be patient. We have a long time together. After all, the really worthwhile things in life usually aren't very easy and they don't happen overnight."
If you've made it to the bottom of this post and read that excerpt then I'd like to tell you how it evoked serious emotion in me. I keep returning to those pages and re-reading it. I feel so privileged that God has chosen us for this. We get to be parents and are so excited and dedicated to loving them for the rest of our lives.
Posted by Stacy Rogers on Monday, September 20, 2010